My sewing room is a mess again, but that means I actually have ideas to work on. My fabric is Out and Ready. My linen is per-washed (!) and my trinkets are displayed.
In this issue…
crafts!| try the selfish thing | the new dream
crafts!
I made a lot since my last newsletter. Something I'm especially proud of is a half-size curtain panel for a co-worker's kitchen window. I took the time to pre-wash the fabric and press after every seam. The difference in quality is striking! After years of no pre-washing or pressing, I've finally learned. Unfortunately, I have to learn from my own mistakes rather than listening to advice. It's my fatal flaw.
For another co-worker's grandbaby's birthday, I made a set of mushroom dolls. The only photo I have is the three of them holding up my spindle. But I get reports nearly every day of how the grandbaby carries them around and kisses them. Don't worry, the eyes and mushroom spots are all secure! Also in the vain of amigurumi is this highland cow I crocheted for my spouse's birthday. When he was bald, he was looking terrible. But now with shaggy hair he's almost cuddly.
Lastly, my Tour de Fleece results! Tour de Fleece is a spinning event that runs alongside the Tour de France. For every day the cyclists are racing, spinners are spinning. The adage goes "If their wheels are spinning, so are ours!" While I didn't spin every day of TdF, I did learn an awful lot. I learned I really really really like spinning, and that there is much more to it than I thought. Never with any other fiber art I've tried before has the fiber been so….talkative! It's hard to not listen to the fiber when it's shouting. I can't explain it. You just have to go to a fiber fair or library workshop and try someone's spindle. At the end of TdF I had made one skein with two toilet paper bobbins left over, one thin brown single, and got halfway through a green-white mixed single. Eventually I'll ply the brown and the green-white mix to make a lovely yarn. Hopefully I can make something with that. Perhaps a little scarf or light poncho.
try the selfish thing
There's something about a full commissions roster that makes me plan for exhibitions that won't ever happen. To be truthfully honest, I think there's a sort of safety in big ideas that you won't let yourself pursue. "Yeah, if I had the time, or didn't have a job, or had no responsibilities then yeah—I'd be unstoppable." The obstacles mean that I don't have to Try, because there will always be more important things to do.
But I saw two movies this past month that really made me think about who gets to Try. Who gets to chase a dream? Who feels just invincible enough to go for it? Who are the people who get to put the rest of their lives on hold to pursue something a little bit selfish? (The answer is Odysseus and 24-year-old George Washington, but I digress.)
I recently signed up for a three-day virtual class on how to be selfish. On day one the instructor made us read different definitions of selfishness and had us confront that fact that we were reading shame into what were actually neutral definitions. This was a class for chronic people-pleasers, so if you have no baggage with the worth "selfish" I applaud you! "Selfish," plain and unedited, means doing something for yourself. Listening to what you need, without thinking about what other people think. It's not a bad thing when done out of respect for yourself.
I feel that a lot of the women and friends I know have just as much audacity as Washington or Odysseus, if not more, and with a better sense of reasoning on top of that! So what dreams have you put on hold? What things have you told yourself are a waste of time? Is planning a fiber art exhibition hurting anyone or taking away from someone else? Not even a little bit.
You should give your old dreams a try. And then decide for yourself if now is the right time.
the new dream
Earlier this year I was in a bad creative slump. Having come out of it with the knowledge of what to look out for next time, I now know that the feeling I get when I make amigurumi is "I'm Not Having Fun!" This is very helpful for me to know.
Last winter I really felt like I fell off of the Creativity horse. I'm back in the saddle now, and we walked around the pasture together a while. But before we go frolicking, I need to chart the course. Or maybe not!
Part of that slump was also the fact that I just stepped into my biggest dreams. I finished my master's degree, bought a house, got married, and started working as an archivist. I was at a loss as to what to work on next! While all of those things require upkeep, I was lacking a long-term goal that was totally mine. To dissect these dreams a bit, the degree and the job are ways to pay for a house, to have a place to be married, which is a team effort through and through. What was missing is a selfish dream.
In this moment, I feel like that dream might be a fiber arts exhibition. It's something that I wanted to do when I was an undergrad. But I did not have any of the time, skills, or frankly the life experience to make a cohesive show that was more than just pretty.
The exhibition in and of itself is to see what I can do when I let myself take total control over design and execution. But it's also a way to eventually teach fiber arts classes at the college level. The university requires an MFA or equivalent experience "in the field" to teach. I really don't want to pay for an MFA, or take the time away from my job to do that and end up with a portfolio of pieces I was making for a grade, not because I cared to make it in the first place. Anyway!
With this new dream I feel much more motivated to make beautiful, meaningful things.
by Lynda Barry - in Making Comics, published 2019
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